Re-posted From: http://KindCommunication.org/2014/06/29/embracing-it-all/
I do this thing, and tell me if you do it too. I often find that I try to avoid, transmute, “heal”, or “transcend” my negative, “bad”, emotions in order that I may spend more time in the positive, “good”, emotions. I don’t want to feel angry, disappointed, bored, sad, or scared. I imagine to myself “if I meditate enough…if I practice NVC enough….if I am present enough…if I am compassionate enough…if I’m enlightened…if I’m saved…if I’m fully healed…then I will no longer have any of these painful feelings.” I hope to reach a state where I will have two emotions: contentment and joy. And that’s it.
I think the reasons I do this are many fold. I’ve encountered numerous religious/spiritual faiths and traditions that teach me that the elimination of suffering is possible, and that if one can live within the divine then every day is a blessing. I’ve grown up in a culture where negative emotions are viewed as “less desirable”, as “unflattering”, and “avoidable”. And of course, emotions like disappointment, anger, and sadness are painful! And so I’ve quite naturally wanted less pain in my life and more pleasure.
And it has come to my attention that this approach to life is misguided. And so if you are like me in that you too have consciously or unconsciously been trying to have only positive emotions and eliminate all the negative ones, then let me share with you some important words.
You are big enough to be with the discomfort, the pain, of negative emotions.
You do not need to “get” anywhere; you are already the person you are meant to be. If you don’t believe this it is only because you have created ideal images of humanity and then used those ideals against yourself.
You are whole when you embrace your positive and your negative emotions.
You are not meant to have a blissful experience, you are meant to have a human experience.
You might not like these words because you may not want to embrace these hard, difficult, painful feelings. That’s okay. Can you embrace in this moment the fact that you are resisting and don’t want to feel painful emotions? And if you find these words liberating I am pleased. Learn to accept all moments of life, the pleasure and the pain. Painful emotions are not undesirable or to be avoided.
If you’re mad, be mad. If you’re scared, be scared. If you’re sad, be sad. Don’t tell yourself that you should be feeling anything different, and don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you should or can feel something different. Be true to yourself.
This of course is difficult to do, and it takes practice. But the result is a rich life and a more authentic you. It is probably a life long journey, but along the way you will see such marvelous things. Please join me in embracing it all.
KindCommunication.org is a project by a close friend of Wiki World Order, Alex Leach. WWO fully supports the study, practice, and teaching of non-violent communication as one of the core solutions which already exists.