The New Year – by Kind Communication

This is the final piece in a three part series on “The Holidays”.  We’ve looked at how to make the tradition of giving and receiving gifts much more joyful.  I then answered the three most frequent questions I hear about how to bring Nonviolent Communication to your family.  And now I’m going to turn to the New Year.

If you read self-growth blogs and articles often then you’ve probably been bombarded with all sorts of suggestions about New Year resolutions and how to make the most out of the New Year.  And even if you haven’t, your mind is probably starting to wander into future tripping…thinking about what is to come.

I invite you to take a moment and ground yourself here in now.  Right now, you are in the transition from one year to the next.  You are in the in between time.  And I don’t have any suggestions for you on what to do differently in the New Year, but I do have a fun exercise if you’d like to try it.  This exercise will help you discover what you truly want in the New Year.

First, get in a quiet place, with paper and pen, and allow your mind to settle down.  Become still.  Many people find following their breath, or becoming aware of their expanding and contracting chest, to be helpful in quieting the mind.

Now, write down your top 3 – 5 moments from the year 2013.  In what moments did you feel utterly alive?  What were the moments that you wished could have been frozen in time?  What moments do you almost wish you could go back to right now?

Then, write down the 3 – 5 lowest moments in the year 2013.  What moments are etched in your memory from this year because of the pain and sadness?  What moments do you reflect on and cringe?  What is that moment which you don’t want to write down?

Now, write about what feelings and needs were met or not met in each of these moments.  Take your time with this step.  Allow yourself to connect with each feeling and each met or unmet need.  This is giving you a greater connection with your essential self, with the deepest values, core concerns, and core desires you have.

Finally, reflect upon everything you’ve written down.  Is there anything you want to make sure to do in the upcoming year to meet your needs?  Is there anything in the upcoming year you want to make sure you don’t do to avoid unmet needs?  Do you notice any recurring unmet needs?  If so, what specific things could you do to make sure those needs get me this year?  Do you notice any recurring needs that got fulfilled?  What specific things can you do to make sure they keep getting met?  With this final step the more specific you can get, the better.

I hope you have a great New Year.  I hope you find a more enriched life in 2014.  I hope you find new and innovative strategies to meet more of your needs.  And I hope that you give and receive more compassion than you did the year before.